It Takes Courage to Spill Your Guts
Today was an emotional rollercoaster for me.
Turns out there was a battle waging before my feet hit the floor this morning. Unfortunately it took me awhile to realize it. Unfortunately I didn’t fare to well in the battle. I survived, but it wasn’t pretty.
My own words in my last post came back to haunt me. As I failed so miserably at having courageous trust. As I failed so miserably at staying balanced. As I failed so miserably at allowing God to be God.
Thankfully, God in His great mercy and grace spoke to me in a still, soft voice…
My child have you forgotten my commandments? My daughter why have you have become so unbalanced? My child why don’t you trust me to fulfill you, to satisfy you?
Oops.
A Big One.
Before I knew it I was stepping out of God’s provision and God’s fulfillment and seeking it on my own.
God’s satisfaction always leads to peace.
The world’s satisfaction always leads to anxiety, to continual emptiness…that fuels a relentless thirst for more. Because it isn’t true satisfaction…it is a shallow idol created by a wayward soul.
I had made for myself an idol and it wasn’t working .Yet, instead of surrendering I kept fighting, trying to make it work, trying to fill the void. But I was losing, because God had already won.
So at the end of this day, the end of this battle I come to God. And I Repent. I Refocus. I Rebalance.
The great thing about asking God to teach you something is that He will. Sometimes the lessons come easily but today they did not. Yet, I still learned something. I was challenged to question my own heart. To stop, look inward and ask…
Do I really trust God?
Do I really love God?
Is God really enough for me?
Of course, He is.
God Is---but am I seeking Him?
We all create idols (from time to time), some more obvious than others. But eventually they are all exposed. And either we chose to topple our idols or we ourselves get toppled.
This morning I saw the quote “Be still and I know that I am God”. It comforted me because I was anxious. But tonight it is my declaration, my reminder to refocus. Be still April! Because you belong to God...
And He’s it...
But He’s Everything.
In His Grace,
April
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